How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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