Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
