I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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