Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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