This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize