Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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