I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
