He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
