I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
