Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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