She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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