New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
