Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
