Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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