woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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