You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
