And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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