I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
