quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
