ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
