so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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