I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
