He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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