I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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