YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
