using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
