We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
