That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
