3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize