do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
