you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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