i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
