I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
