It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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