My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
