It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
