im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
