So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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