I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Randomize
