Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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