If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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