My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
