Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
