He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
