Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
