every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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