My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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