This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
