Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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