wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
