I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize