He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
