Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
