They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
