I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
