"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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