new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
