Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
