So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
