dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
