I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize