even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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