well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
