Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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