I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
