whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
