There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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