I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
