??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
