i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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