i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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